Mother-to-Child

Dear CocoPrincess:

This morning, at the crack of dawn, while the birds outside haven't began to chirp at the window, the telephone in the hallway rings. I wake up and sit in the bed wondering who would have the audacity to call this early-4:45 am???

I muffle out Whizzie-Jefferson style, "hello" only to hear your Grandmother Rita's voice say, "Wit (my nickname shorten from my original middle name), I just called to let you know that you are an excellent mother and you are going to be an even more excellent mother with the CocoPrincess." I broke down right there and let out uncontrollable sobs (no, not the ulgy sobs, the other kind of uncontrollable sobs that you do when you are a little girl sitting on your Mother's lap).

After I finished crying, your Grandmother Rita began to pray aloud for me. She then personalized and declared over me, Proverbs 31:28. In a firm, assuring voice, she said, "Your children rise up, and call you blessed; Your husband also, and he praises you." Then, she said, "Have a Blessed Day Wit, I Love You."

I looked over at your crib, looked at the clock set on Ethiopian time, wondered what you were doing at 4:00 pm in Addis, whispered a prayer for you, smiled, then got back into bed in hopes of catching a few more zzzzzzzz.

Your family is waiting with joy---you are ours forever!

Love, Ema (Mommy).

What Do You Eat When You Tell A Lie?

Dear CocoPrincess:

Yesterday and today, I've been accused of being hateful and for sowing discord by this blogger who gave an invitation to her new blog from here. I think ---no, I know as a parent, you don't force a child to eat something they don't like as a form of discipline nor as a form of punishment and then hold that same item of food over to the next day to be eaten (as a reminder I suppose). I also don't believe you should ever call your child a "punk" and then hide such negative word under "it's dry humor" and "its a term of endearment."

How many times have I shook my head at young men and women calling each other the "n" word as a "term of endearment" or when girlfriends get together for dinner or drinks and then start calling each other "bitches" in the same manner I call my sorority sisters, "soror". I fail to agree something that devalues validates self-worth. Unless the Webster defination of the word "punk" has changed in the last 56 hours, if my memory serves me to be correct, "punk" didn't have anything linking or holding it together by love.

Last night, the husband and father, left his first ever written words on his wife's blog simpy because I suggested counseling since they are transracial parenting an older child---coming from my African American's viewpoint. Today, I rebutted his comment along with another commenter, only to find my comments and stance being deleted. I guess it serves to be true, some adults can dish it, but can't take it. Yes, preparing a meal that you know a child doesn't like or can't stomach and then mentally forcing him to eat it as you enjoy yours with Tomato soup as a form of love/logic is off the mark. Such form of punishment is cruel and it is torment---ask CPS---nuff said.

Excellent parenting skills takes time and it takes trial and error and no matter how many degrees you hold in whatever field you might think gives you an edge over others when dealing with children - somehow, when it comes to your own, it is a "whole-nother" level on the playing field. Excellent parenting skills is ongoing---you keep learning as you seek ways to nurture a child into a productive citizen.

I post it here to show you by example, there will be times in life when you have to step out of your comfort zone, speak up and then be willing to take a licking, but you keep on ticking. Be willing to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. Be ready to look someone squarely in the eyes and say, "That's wrong." Be ready to confront because you walk in the footsteps of people who have cleared the path for you so that injustice and ignorance would have to lay down. You walk in the footsteps of another human-being's DREAM.

No, I don't believe in stirring up strife, nor sowing discord among believers. Yes, I believe in confronting others when I feel a stirring in my soul to advocate for the voiceless. No, I am not against a child of color being adopted by families of non-color because at the end of the day, there is only one race. The human race. But I'm also not foolish enough to believe that just because Barack Hussain Obama is President, all is well in America as an African-American male or female. Naw, it's not that easy nor simple. It's just not and Eric Holder have asked us to open-up and talk about it.

What I am against---I am against parents who are not of their child's ethnic background not being willing to enroll in classes, read books, ask questions from those who have been there and live that. I'm against those who are not willing to accept that yes, there is such a thing called White Privilege, admit that it's wrong and then give it up for the sake of humanity and equality.

Yes, I am a mother of color. Does that mean I know everything about the African Diaspora? No.
Does that mean I can speak on behalf of all people of color? Of course not. Then what does it mean to be a mother of color? It means I will always have, live, move and have my breath and pulse on understanding what it means to proudly live Black 24/7. As a mother of color, I will understand from a deeper cut that sticks and stones may break your bones and words as well as actions do hurt---especially when they are linked to a mindset of control.

My advice to myself and to new parents: Because children don't come with manuals, get what you need, correct what you need in yourself as a leader, and in all your getting, get wisdom and please don't use food as a way to teach a child about choices or as a way to correct them from lying. What foods are we as adults made to eat when we lie?

Love, Ema (Mommy)

P.S. I didn't post this with comments to cause anyone to take sides...if anyone feels that I am wrong, or have missed the point, don't be afraid to leave your comment addressing or pointing out my error. If you have an opposing view, comment. Open up and allow your voice to be heard! I don't believe in operating in fear, saying things on blog post just to "keep-in", nor do I believe a public blogspot is a place to delete what I don't like or don't agree with. I totally believe in open dialogue as well as freedom of thought, ideals, and speech. I also don't believe in having an open blog comment one day when it's peachy for me and when I can't take the opposing viewpoints, shut the comments down to owner's approval (that's a coward's move to me, but hey, I could be wrong). But what I do believe in is freedom to express and to be listened to. After all, how are we going to raise the next generation---like the ones who messed up before us????

A place in the world for Melem Konjo

Dear CocoPrincess:

I've finished up semester-2 for my Ph.D/Ed.D research and have signed-off my last student in the college tutoring program making her officially a candidate for graduation from UC Berkeley.

Life is truly hectic right now. Everything, including the hands on the clocks seem to be moving faster, spinning, spinning, until all I want right now is a drive to HMB-beach and just take a nap until next week---yet all I can do is take a deep breath and stick to my list of things to do.

Until I get started on your bedroom, here's where your first days of cocooning will have to take place---yep, in Mommy's and Daddy's bedroom. Call me lazy, go ahead, call me la-a-zy, but I call it: a.place.to.know.we.are.here.for.you. (that and the fact that your room is down the hall that takes as many as 20 giant steps and a corner turn from our room to tend to your cry).

Although it is a simple look, clean, crisp, airy, nothing elaborate (because summers in my bedroom turn shabby-chic/beach front/Half-Moon bayish), it was created with hopes that your summer months be filled with having "Melem Konjo", Amharic for beautiful, sweet, dreams!


(Your shabby-chic area of the world...gotta love Rachel Ashwell forever)


With the exception of the Pottery Barn Bedskirt, organic sheets and the Sweet Dreams Wall, (all bought at a consignment shop for only $1.50 -$2.00 each); everything else was designed and made with my own hands and love during the last few nights (46-48 hours) that lead up to your court-date. During those nights when I was at peace, yet that same peace would not and could not let me sleep, I instead turned to prayer and praise. For you, I prayed Melem Konjo, beautiful, sweet dreams!

(Bedskirt that hides extra storage under the crib is really pretty close-up)

Everything, the bumper, pillows with thematic words, and the quilt which was inspired by Tami's idea for Baby I (first and will be the last because quilts are no joke to make), was made within the 46-48 hour time block of nesting. The fabric came from a lady I met while having lunch with Aregash at a sidewalk cafe on Telegraph Avenue in the Temescal District who was throwing out fabric samples from Bella Notte Linens. I asked to buy them from her if she named her price and she replied, "For 25 cents, you can have them all." After giving her $5.00 because .25 cents seemed not right, almost like a thief, she turns around and tucks the money back into my hand and says, "You have that free-spirit, giving look about you, enjoy whatever it is you're going to do". . . and indeed I have!


(Janie & Jack gift we purchased in 2006 when we first began this journey-a seaside outfit!!!)

The CocoBella Rag doll "Fatima" that I created with you in mind was made about a month ago when I made a CocoBella "Bale" for the Drawn From Water Fundraiser that was held for Levi, Emily, and their beautiful family. I have been asked to make more since the fundraiser by different mothers and mothers-to-be. The "Bale" doll sold at the silent auction for $85.00-impressive!

I had the most creative-energy and fun designing these pillows from a shabby-chic sheet I found on clearance from Rachel Ashwell -Target. I mixed the fonts for graphic appeal then heat transferred them onto the pillows. I added (with great care) pretty diamond like buttons in the center of the flowers after the words, "Melem" and "Sweet". . . I wanted the buttons to be girly amidst the shabby patch work. The quilt feels so good --- and I'm glad I saved $167.00 instead of buying the one Bella Notte Linen has on their website.

(Stuffed with 6 pounds of organic, Kosher certified lavendar flowers that were a bit pricey for my budget, each pillow smells oh so heavenly --- priceless)!

The shabby wall art slash clothes-hook was repurposed from the door panel of your sister's childhood armoir. I laser copied some scrapbook paper, added the Amharic words (sharmiz, kermise, and surie, and the words top/blouse; dress/frock; pant/capri) decoupaged it, added pretty hooks with a coordinating ribbon around the knob and there you have it, a place to hang your outfit for the morning after having Melem Konjo, sweet and beautiful dreams!


(This is what my indie-eco-friends call "up-cycling"...my dad called it reworking your dollar)

Lastly, I turned the top of Daddy's dresser into your changing station (you have a great Daddy-giving up his dresser for his CocoPrincess naked bottom to lay on)... for you while we get you ready for Melem Konjo, sweet, beautiful dreams!

(me thinks me will add a Wall-Quote to the dead space...it feels empty right now)

Your thoughtful sister purchased a diaper genie for you after she read a blog somewhere about explosive diapers and stinky poop. . .now all that is needed in this room is the sounds of you having Melem Konjo, beautiful, sweet dreams!


Love, Ema (Mommy)

ETA: This post is being published two weeks late...forgot I had it on draft. That's what passing court and rushing to get things in order and traveling for undergraduate graduations will do for you.

WE PASSED COURT!!!

Dear CocoPrincess:

It is official, YOU ARE FOREVER OUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!!

We haven't collected our emotions yet. There is so much to gather and process---I will post a proper announcement/introduction after everything calms down.

Love, Ema (Mommy)


P.S. Thank you everyone for the prayers, thoughts and well wishes...I promise to post more in a few days. Thank you for rejoicing with our family!!!!!

Having Twitter Moments. . .

It's May 20, 2009 8:48 a.m. in Ethiopia. Wondering what the Courts are deciding.

Finishing up the pillows I'm making for the CocoPrincess' crib #1. (The crib in our room--she has two cribs at the moment).

At A Distance. . .

Dear CocoPrincess:

Right now, at this moment, the courts are most likely, reviewing files (preparing for an opinion that will occur May 20) that will determine the date and time of the purposes, plans and promises for our lives and future. Right now, at this moment, I hear at a distance, the Southern Pacific train rolling down the tracks as the sound of its horn fade into the air, leaving the echoing of vibrations. For your family, the sounds of train horns blowing has a special meaning to us. If and when we hear the train horn blowing, it is a gentle reminder for us to stop, take a moment to bow our heads, kneel, and pray. So, at l:29 a.m., your Dad, your sister and I have stopped, held hands, bowed our heads and prayed for what is about to take place within a few short hours in time. We are confident not in anything close, but what is at a distance.

We are waiting, patiently upon the LORD, resting on HIS plans, purposes and promises.

Love, Ema (Mommy)

PS...Hearts, love and prayers to all the families with courtdates this week---Stay Encouraged and Encourage one another!!!!!

Birds know when to nest . . .

Dear CocoPrincess:

This morning I watched a bird making a nest under the front porch, getting ready for her new addition --- and your room still looks a hot mess. I feel the need to "nest" but then again, "umm, not." So, another day your room sits looking like "wt-eff" (your sister's words not mine) while the sparrow out front, sings and continues to make a little nest...I guess that's my cue, "umm, oh, okay . . ."

Love, Ema

P.S. Congratulations to Catrina, Pat, Robbin, Ellen and all the Gladney Mommy's who have recently gotten referrals!!!! Keep praying for those of us with upcoming court-dates and especially for the families who continue to wait patiently for the LORD to bring to pass, only what we know as a "miracle" but we know our prayers are being heard and yes, they are being answered----Stay Encouraged!